Negative calories...

Hello all. A new day and once again, renewed motivation towards weight loss!!

I am a member on this really cool calorie counting site. It has a great GUI and it is free. Two things that mean the world to me when it comes to sites I visit/use daily! So anyway, you put in what you eat and what activities you have done for the day and it adds up the calories that you have eaten and then it subtracts the calories you burn and leaves you with your net caloric intake which they show at the bottom of the page for each day of the week. To lose a pound a week you need to basically have a net deficit of 500 cal at the end of each day (deficit of 1,000 cal to lose 2 pounds a week - my goal).

It is great to have that little ticker down near the bottom of the page... so where am I going with this?!?!? Follow me.... at the top of the page you log on, there is this wonderful statement "You can eat about XXXX additional calories for [today]."

Here it comes... Wait for it.... Wait for it....

They calculate in the calories you have used up during your daily activities so if you were to never look down at the little net calorie thing you would actually be eating yourself towards being bigger or maintaining your weight! It took me about 3 weeks to get hip to the fact that hey, even if I exercise more this thing is not really telling me I can eat more....it is telling me what I could eat if I wanted to stay a lard butt!! I know my fault, I need to be smarter than the machine but hey, give me some credit. All I see is someone telling me I can eat more! Great!

So, I am back on track for real this time...I am going to try and stick with the calorie goal of 1100 calories a day. Which basically means stay out of my way because have you ever seen a hungry elephant be happy?!?!?

Fiber and Poop

So, I have been desperately trying to do what is right diet wise. I have failed miserably still. I thought that blogging would help me to do better so that I would not have to post my failures for the world to see but it is not helping. Maybe because I don't have a large viewing network as of yet. Who knows. I know my cousin knows that I am not flawless. Hey, she saw my stretchmarks...all of them. LOL. Anyway, yesterday was yet another day of lackluster effort but more than enough insatiable grease filled good eats. I tried. I ate fiber one cereal and 2% milk for breakfast. Only one bowl. I had a big bottle of water. It all went downhill when my co-worker asked for a ride to McDonald's. My mind told me to say no because I know I have no will power but my tummy roared yes louder than my mouth whispered no. So off we go and of course I get something: a double cheese mighty kid's meal. It was so good. (The toy rocked too! I want to collect them all now!) To top it off, I go home from work and they have picked up some Arthur Treacher's fish and chips for dinner. That was good too. I topped it all off with a bottle of Snapple peach iced tea. Those 200 calories will be nothing on top of the 1500 worth of fish and chips and 800 worth of Mickey D's, right?!?!? Atleast I was a coffee pagan and did not worship the Starbucks' goddess...

Desperately seeking weight loss...

So I have been sitting here on the net for about 30 minutes trying to figure out how I can either work
1. a medium wendy's frosty or
2. a piece of carrot cake
into my calorie counting diet while still eating a well balanced dinner. Yeah....it just is not going to happen unless I get the junior size frosty which, if any of you have seen it, would only be a sip for me! I want my sweets and I want them now! That is my nemesis when it comes to weight loss. I love sugar. I love it in any form, in/on anything. Put sugar on it and I will eat it...no lie. Wow, maybe I should do Fear Factor. Anyway, I digress...

I need to figure out a way to get around counting these calories only to fit in something that is bad for me. I need to count the calories and make a point to eat what is good for me and will give me more energy, make my hair shine, my eyes sparkle, my skin glow and my poop non-odorous. LOL. I need a balanced diet. However, I feel as if my fast food and sugar charged body will not work with me on letting go of the things I have so loved over the past years. I ate some cherries this morning for breakfast. I think my tummy is still rejecting them. I have a slight dull pain on my left side and no, I am not ovulating. Maybe it is the newfound desire to poop daily due to my ingestion of a whole new realm of organic wholesome goodness. Who knows. Anyway, I thought I would update the blog therefore doing something productive to hopefully burn a few calories so I can get back into tracking how I am going to get that dang tasty frosty or lovely carrot cake slice. I gots to DO THE DANG THING!

Second Day - No Headway....

So, I wake up this morning at 540 am with a total renewed sense of life. Because of course, you can't change one thing in your life without totally recommitting to all things in your life!! I made my decision to get serious about my weight lose which means I need to get serious about my job (I actually did some work at 830 pm while I waited for time to tick away) and my finances (I created another budget), I need to totally revamp my personal space (so I will clean my room like a mad woman tomorrow if I have any energy left after today. If not, surely I will get it done in spurts next week), I renewed my vow to spend more time with my daughter at the cost of sleep (because who needs sleep to function?!?!? I made it through college without much of it so I must be a horrible mom not to take that same outlook with my child!) and it wouldn't be complete without my renewed faith in God and my salvation (I do diligently pray over my daughter and for my family but I started including myself besides the prayers for my soul and a safe journey to hell if that is really where He feels like I need to be...LOL...don't get me started on that one....that is SO another blog topic). Anyway, this renewed sense of life had me get up this morning and dress myself in yoga pants and a (nursing) tank top. LOL. I was so not heading to the gym though! I was heading in to work but I do have my yoga mat here so I figured I could get some yoga poses in before my officemate comes in for the day. ***Side note - the mat was not here in my office because I work out! LOL. It was here because I used to take my daily 2 pm naps on it when I was pregnant!*** Well, of course, after getting up that early, I needed some coffee and since I am taking better care of myself I should get some breaky-fast too. I happily drive over to Safeway and head towards the yogurt. Lowfat - check. Natural flavors - check. I grab 4 of them! LOL. I tell myself that since it is on sale, why not stock up for work next week to alternate with my oatmeal. Anyway, so I head to check out, spend $1.09 on these wonderful breaky-fast items and then looming in front of me is my morning worship goddess. I see her long flowing hair and the crown atop her head as she is encircled by my favorite morning phrase...STARBUCKS COFFEE. I know I shouldn't....there is nothing that I would get that won't cost me a meal later on in the day..but I can't help myself. I go over and happily ask the cashier to page the starbucks' lady. I feel superior. I wait in my nifty slimming all black yoga outfit with my bag of lowfat yogurt. (My cousin was discussing gym cockiness on her page - I have gym clothes cockiness) As the starbucks coffee engineer approaches I raise my nose a little higher in the air and say "VENTI CARAMEL MACCHIATTO, please" WTF?!!??! What am I thinking?!?!? VENTI?!?!? CARAMEL MACCHIATTO?!?! Do I want to eat at all today? I can't take it back though...she is already in the process of making it. I swipe, sign and move on over to the counter salivating as I think of sipping my hot liquid calorie filled goddess goodness. I can't believe myself. I just bought freaking all natural lowfat yogurt and now look at me. I walk to my car thinking to myself how to get rid of this high cal drink but I want it. I could trash it but I am too cheap for that. I could run back home and give it to one of the skinny people who could probably use the calories but I hate backtracking (OCD). I could try to find a bum and give it to him/her but that would require a trek into the city. So, here I am at my desk *sip* with my now just the right temp venti size cup of delicious caramel macchiatto *sip* eating my too red to be all natural cup of lowfat strawberry yogurt. Cheers! Tomorrow will be better.

5"1.5" and 155 pounds....

And I am stuck! Early last year I was at 120 pounds. Down from 130 where I hovered for most of my collegiate career. I was fit, happy and I could fit into any jeans that were thrown my way! My booty looked right and my tummy was tight. Then, I got pregnant and it was on!

I decided that I would enjoy the pregnancy and eat what I wanted. I gained 73 pounds total. I thought that the weight would "fall" off of me in the end because I was going to breastfeed and I was going to make sure that I exercised religiously. HA! Someone should have slapped me and told me that a baby would totally disrupt any plans I had for myself! Also, that breastfeeding is a miraculous weight lose helper but it doesn't do it all! LOL. I needed to just go with the flow and let it happen when it happens.

Well, that is where I am - almost seven months post pregnancy and still majorly overweight, I am half way happy with me and still loving the occasional cheeseburger. LOL. I decided to get with the program and start getting serious about trying to make the little changes to make the big difference.

My wonderful sister got me just what I asked for on Christmas day - a year long gym membership. I have been maybe 5 times total. I need to change that and start going at least 3 times a week. My wonderful mother always takes time to notes just how many servings I am having or should be having or how many bites I should take or how many sips ...yada yada... I have people who are being totally supportive. LOL. If I was a skinny b*tch!!

No one knows how hard it is for me because they are all fit or at least skinny (yes they are two different things). I am struggling to get fit even if it does mean I am fat for life now. But the last thing I need is some skinny person, who is shoveling everything I want into their mouth without care, telling me that I should only have, at most, 3 bites of carrot cake just to get a taste and sate my cravings! ARGGHHHH!!! It just makes me want to eat the whole thing so I can feel better (i.e. full of my favorite foods) and smug. ;)

I am pledging today to start working out whether at home or at the gym and also I am going to make sure that I count my calories (going in and burning off) so that I can monitor the change in me. This blog will hopefully help me to note me shortcomings without the need to eat the whole thing and also motivate me to do my best so that you can all see how a REAL MIDDLE CLASS WORKING SINGLE MOTHER makes sure to DO THE DANG THING!!